The Military Time Warp
by yayne
Summary: our favorite brothers find themselves in a sticky situation after the characters from the 'rocky horror picture show' make their way into shamballa. what happens if the homunculi get their noses into it?
1. Chapter 1

(This was written by myself and my friend Nekoyasha, if the paragraph is indented, it's Neko's, if it isn't, I wrote it.)

"Excuse me, uh… 'sir', but how did you get here?" Edward Elric asked the strangely clothed man in front of him.

"Well, I'm a scientist named Dr. frank N. Furtur; I was making an invention that could make people teleport to different places, so my servants could go home once and a wile. But when it went off, we were pulled here by mistake," the strange man explained.

Rewind, back to when the military found them. It was near Central when several military officers saw a flash of light and found these strangely dressed newcomers, seemingly homunculi. They took them into custody and presented them to Colonel Mustang, who sent for Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, and Yayne Lukanta, the Cold-Blooded Alchemist, to question them.

"Are you homunculi?"

"Humuncuwhat?"

"Don't play dumb, we know who you are, you are Envy! I recognize you from your strange clothing!"

"That's a strange name…" Frank laughed slightly. "Ah, so this Envy is a transvestite too? That's pretty groovy."

Ed gave Frank a strange look. Al giggled. "Brother, Envy wouldn't openly admit he's a transvestite, it can't be him," said Al.

"I guess you're right…" Ed sighed. "So, um, Frank, do you know anything that might explain why the machine took you here?"

"I told you, it takes you to different places. Maybe that hairspray has something to do with it…."

"What's hairspray?" asked Ed.

Frank stared at Edward with wide eyes. "You people haven't discovered the brilliance of hairspray?!"

"These guys are hillbillies, they wouldn't know what it is, and it's more of a girl thing anyways," Yayne laughed, who had been silent for too long.

"I hear that girlfriend," Frank replied.

"Getting back to the point, what are all your names?"

"There's Columbia, Magenta, and Riff Raff."

"Strange names…"

Just then, there was a huge explosion on the left wall of the room. As the smoke cleared, the homunculi became visible. The missing place in the seven, formerly filled by Greed, was now taken over by the newly created Hostility, a homunculus that is able to change blood into the Philosopher's Stone. Frank picked up a chair and smashed it on Envy's skull, but it healed instantaneously. Envy tripped him and put a foot on his neck, growling menacingly. "I'll make you pay for that!" he roared in his feminine voice. Ed tackled Envy and stabbed him in the chest with the blade he made from his auto mail.

"Stop hurting innocent people, you jerk! There's no way in Hell you could ever be my brother, you're too ugly!" Ed exclaimed. He felt a sharp pain in his neck and felt blood dripping down to his coat collar. Hostility had bitten Edward with lightning speed, and was now crouched down on the other side of the room licking her lips.

"He's not ugly, now get off," Hostility hissed.

Ed realized he was in serious danger of bleeding to death, so he got up and ran over to Frank, who was making a makeshift dagger out of wood from the chair. Envy rose to his feet and sprinted to Hostility. "That took the last of my energy to regenerate! I need some sto-"he was interrupted by Frank, who had just stabbed him in the back with the dagger he had made.

"Oops, I was aiming for the vampire girl, not the sweet transvestite!"

"Envy!" cried Hostility, catching him as he was about to fall. She took the dagger from his back and threw it at Dr. Frank, but missed terribly. In the midst of the fighting, Hostility took Envy to the corner of the room. She tried to bandage his wound with Edward's jacket which he had left hanging on the coat hanger at the door. Meanwhile, Lust and Frank were arguing about fashion while fighting to the death.

"Sparkles are out of style!" Lust claimed.

"They're just coming back into style!" Frank argued.

"Your outfit is too revealing!"

"Your outfit isn't revealing enough!"

"Stop making fun of Frankie!" Columbia exclaimed as she tackled Lust.

"Get off of me!" she exclaimed wile drawing her spear… claws… things…

"Eep!" Columbia jumped up in time to dodge her claws.

"That will teach you, you little walking fashion disaster!"

"Hey, my clothing is very nice, you're the one who needs some help!"

"Quit fighting! Lust, we need to get Envy to Dante right away! He's hurt bad!" Hostility yelled.

"Fine, let's go, Gluttony," Lust ordered Gluttony to stop chasing Magenta and the homunculi left as quickly as they had come.

"That was strange," Yayne Stated

"That new homunculus… she's quick. We have to get medical treatment…" Ed whispered.

"Tell me about it, I think that lust girl damaged my leather jacket," Frank said wile looking him over.

"So I guess that means your human then…" Ed looked disappointed that he wasn't any closer to his goal.

"Not exactly," Columbia said, but was hit on the back of her head by magenta.

"What was that?" Al asked.

"Nothing, nothing!" riff, magenta, and frank said together, trying to keep their alien origins secret.

"Come on, tell us," the Elric brothers said in unison.

"We told you, it's NOTHING!" frank yelled.

"Fine, fine, don't get your fishnets in a bunch," Yayne tried to calm the freaky doctor down. "We will get you settled into a military hotel for the night and tomorrow we will send you back from were the hell you came from."

"Sounds reasonable."

"Don't put his room near ours," Ed whispered to yayne.

"I promise, I will."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In the Homunculi lair

"I can't believe you let yourselves get shaken up like that! Envy, you're the worst of them all! You should've realized you were going to get hurt! You're such a fool!" Dante slammed her teacup down on the table. She tossed a small bag to Hostility, which had some red stones in it. "Just eat those and you'll be fine."

Envy took a big handful of stones and ate them. Several seconds later, he regenerated. Hostility hugged him tightly, practically choking him.

"Please don't try to choke him, he's important," Dante said calmly. Pride had snuck some strong whisky into her tea and she was finally chilling out.

"I wouldn't choke Envy-Chan…" said Hostility, cuddling Envy closer to her.

"Just make sure you don't get graphic wile the children are here," said Sloth wile leading Wrath out of the room. We still don't get why Dante leads these morons…

"I wouldn't do anything graphic in front of the little one… would you, Envy dear?" Hostility asked.

All he reply was a strained grunt

---

Roy Mustang was walking to his office, after being swamped with paper work from some case about a murderer or something. He heard many voices inside, and as he opened the door, he met a weird a sight. A group of military officers were standing in a line, doing a strange dance. There were four people who he met yesterday when they were thought to be homunculi.

"I told you guys, it's a step to the _right, _and make sure you guys aren't too close together, or it's all messed up!" Columbia instructed them.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY OFFICE????" Roy yelled at them. All the officers got scared for their jobs and ranks, so they ran out before he could recognize any of them.

"We were teaching them to dance the time warp, but you just messed everything up!" Magenta said before storming off with her brother/lover.

"So about that pelvic thrust…" said Frank.

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!" he yelled while grabbing onto the back of Franks leather jacket and throwing him out. He then grabbed onto Columbia's sleeve and threw her out too.

After Roy slammed the door, he wondered, "Was that a man or a woman?"

"I'm a man!" Frank yelled at him through the door.

"Mr. Furter?" Al's voice called out to him as he ran down the halls.

"Yes darling?" he replied. "And it's Dr. Furter."

"Because you seem like a skilled scientist, my brother and I would like your help."

"So _now _you need me."

"Just please round up all your friends and come with me."

With one snap of his whip, Columbia, Riff Raff, and Magenta were at his feet.

"Mr. Armor and Mr. Shrimpy need my help," he explained. "Hopefully afterwards they can send us back to trans… I mean earth"

"If you are ready, fallow me to our hotel," Al told them as he turned around and walked away.

"Hehehe, a hotel eh?" Frank snickered as he fallowed the walking armor.


End file.
